now that you're gone.

I ain't afraid of hurt
I've had so much it feels just like normal to me now

so life is looking up. really.
I never thought that I'd move past things.
but I did. I moved past a lot of things.
the idea of being single is no longer scary.
doing things alone is not a sad thing.
i haven't had days to myself in a while and I actually
went out and did something i wanted to do.
I have gone to 2 historical house by myself and taken tours, by myself.
I enjoyed it. I can think better. Clearer.

I'm not rushing to get to your house anymore.
I'm not lying to make secret meetings with you.
that day that I begged you to meet up, was a bad idea.
I knew what was going to happen. I was prepared. I was stupid
I'm not finding hidden meaning and getting hurt by your actions.
It's been 2 months and I'm almost completely over it.
I hope you know what you did. I told you that day "i'm a keeper",
and you agreed. you really fucked it up you know?
it was never me. it was you. and I feel really sorry for you.
because what we had..something that a girl only dreams of.
for a while I didn't have to dream, because it was right there.
then it turned into a nightmare.
thank you for not saying goodnight, because you "forgot"
thank you for choosing pot over me.
thank you for not buying me a present for my birthday,
which i accepted because you supposedly were "tight" on money,
but i immediately took back that exception when you went and
withdrew 20 dollars from the bank for alcohol a couple days later.
that hurt me then, and it still stings now, you know?
there's a lot of things that I will never forgive you for.
everything you're addicted to is all mental, and you're an idiot for
getting tangled up with it in the first place.
i resent you for taking a puff of someone's cigarette while I went to the bathroom
at busch gardens, because the "urge" was so strong.
fuck you. you know? because really, i gave everything to you.
you know how bad that hurts?...you will never change.
your next girlfriend will probably be a whore, who smokes, tries shrooms with you
and doesn't give two shits about your well-being, let alone her own.
i hope you wake up. really.
you can be so sweet and innocent on the outside, there's something boiling
underneath. bad. wreaks of addiction. pot. cigarettes. a hot bedroom with no air-con.
Thank you for trying to get someone who cared more about me then you to try pot.
what kind of thought is that for someone you "love"?
maybe I can just get her to get addicted, then we can do it together, and I won't have to quit, oh yea. I'm so fucking smart.
I'm stronger than that, you asshole. I'm smarter than that, you dick.
I love your family. They were some of the best parts of you.
they are what I do not regret about our relationship.
sorry from you means nothing to me anymore.


Everything you ever touched is undisturbed and hangs out
Like crime scene evidence undisturbed in dust
I don't dare touch anything because it's evidence of us

so there's someone new. someone special. <3