"i think we've created a monster"

last night with ben:

Tonite with amazing boyfriend, mathew:

i love his feet. = )

and our feet together <3

and this= our new favorite thing.

wanted:

new good friends who don't change

personalities from one day to the next.

I hate being alone.

but with a bunch of friends who have no time for be.

i've been alone for quite some time now.

I love this weather.

halloween. mmm.

my new boots. my new love.

I can't wait.

confinment. not my first choice. last week was better.

right now I'd love to be...

last weekend:
cross the bridge


into the night-we ride.


food lion. mm-hmm


Ben can't make up his mind.


and neither can I. crap.
so many choices

heaven: here

I'm in love with you

as far as the eye can see.

away.

I love dashboard confessional so much sometimes that I hate it..
It's ability to connect me with past summers and taunt me with
good missed memories and times I wish I relive.

Why does everything had to be so fucking hard?
why do I have to make everything difficult.
everyday I become more and more convinced I have a mental illness.

starting to panic..wait..wait

I remember thinking 3 years ago that freaking out and panicking
was a bad thing. Keep everything inside. Stay sane.
But that night that I let myself go crazy,

head hitting trashcans, walls, glass.

I'm convinced I knocked something loose,
and it is gradually just unwinding.

I have become one of those girls.
entirely comsumed in him.
relying on his happiness to be my happiness.
i'm so wrong. i don't give him a chance to breathe.
i blow a gasket when he wants to change plans to hang with friends.
what's wrong with me?

I need to just step back from the situation.
yes. step back.
I'd be pissed if he was getting mad that I wanted to hang with friends
instead of him for once.
and I completely get that.
but since I basically have no friends,
and my best friend lives so far away.
he's all I have.

I need hobbies.
Time wasters.
New job.
anything.